TO ALL OF YOU COMPLAINING: Yes, this is an april fool's joke. You'll notice after a while that everytime you die, the text changes, and after a dozen or so deaths, it'll say very clearly ''APRIL FOOL'S SUCKA''. So don't say ''maybe it's an april fool's joke maybe not'', because if you do you're an idiot it says so very textually. Also, no, you cannot dodge the knife ever, but you CAN acquire all the medals, you just have to get one achievement at a time in under 2 seconds and a half (which is very feasible).